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  • At The Tip of The Quill

My Bladder is Our New Puppy

When I was a child, one of the planet's most hilarious events was my biological mother's bathroom trips. They seemed random, unplanned, often unexpected. They even seemed to directly counter the rules we had in our home. For example, we all had to go to the bathroom before we left the house to avoid pit stops, but who was nearly always the reason we had pull over to be allowed to pee not even halfway down the road? Mom, of course!

To add insult to injury, My brother and I nick-named her TB (aka Tiny Bladder!)

TB hated the name, but she couldn't deny the accuracy. She could; however, do what all good witches do: Jinx their offspring with the only justifiable curse also able to be quickly cast between bathroom trips, "May you have one just like you!"

I've taken great pride in avoiding this curse for over forty years. Nobody's going to mess with my bladder, TB, so ha-ha on you! I've navigated 16-hour workdays, 8-hour meetings, long weekend business trips, outings, conferences, weddings, funerals, training seminars, 2 miscarriages, and even how to pee in a public bathroom with a 4-year-old in the stall wanting to peek, with style, finesse, and, would I dare to brag, flair!

The thing about curses; however, is they don't care about your opinion. At all. A well-spun curse can wait years, decades, even generations if required. At this point, I'd nearly forgotten the hex. It had not forgotten me...

I'm officially 7 weeks pregnant. Science says my uterus has now doubled in size and to expect 'some' change in bladder function.

What this actually means is my bladder has become completely severed from all forms of logical input from any part of my body and now independently runs itself - with the mind of a puppy.

"What do you mean you need to pee? We -just- left the bathroom!"

"Are you sure you peed all you have to pee? We're going to leave the house for a full hour.

A FULL HOUR - you HAVE to pee NOW!"

"I told you we just left for an hour. I'm not turning around already...."

"We peed twice, why do you need to pee a third time?! It's not even been two minutes since we went to bed!"

So far I haven't had to put training pads all over the floor.. but I've caught myself eyeing sale prices just in case. After all, rumor has it this is only the beginning of my bladder adventures.

However, I draw the line at a name tag. Even if it should officially be engraved TB Jr.

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