January 20, 2020
Lesson learned via a conversation with the 6 year old:
She says to me, quite randomly, "Daddy is fat."
I shake my head and turn to sit with her at the table. "No. Daddy is not fat."
She laughs, "You're so silly! Daddy is so too fat!"
I lean in and stage whisper to her, "Do you want to know a secret?"
Her eyes grow wide and she nod nods in great enthusiasm.
I smile and wink.
She leans forward; I've her full attention.
"Would you say Daddy is black hair?"
She giggles, "Nooooooo"
"Would you say Daddy is beard?"
She laughs, "Nooooo!"
"That's right. Which is also why Daddy is not fat. You see Sweets, the rest of the world will try and teach you that someone is fat or skinny or sick, but they aren't any of those things anymore than they are their hair or skin or eye color. Who someone IS, is the kind if person they are and how they treat people. Daddy has fat. Daddy also has black hair. That's just stuff he has. That's not who he -IS-. Does that make sense?"
She grins and nods, then pats my hand from across the table. "Daddy is funny and kind and funny and tells poop jokes and is kind and funny!"
I grin back at those big brown eyes full of light. "That's right. You've got it exactly."
"Duh! Of course I do! I know the secret!"
-- And then I was stuck with the lesson I could so clearly see about someone I loved.
That meant I had to apply it to myself too.
I'm not fat.
I have fat.
That's the secret.
Having too much fat or not enough or having an injury or illness or anxiety or depression or whatever isn't who you are. It's something you have.
What you have doesn't define your worth, your value, or who you are as a person.
You are funny Or kind Or compassionate Or helpful Or professional Or reliable Or...fill in the blank...
Because now you know the secret too.